Why did Robinson Crusoe so persistently taught Friday his language? Perhaps because the only communication with the other person gives us a sense of own self.
Why is it so often we feel like real Robinson in our inner space, and can not find any understanding Friday and in response to the aggression we close at the shell of silence? Whether golden is a protective silence? Wives, husbands, children, friends, and business partners stop to communicate for different reasons. What is behind this?
At first, the children do not remain silent. Infants cry to attract attention. Five-year howcast asks questions almost every minute. Ten-year learning to express themselves in the team. Fifteen-year start to worry more global questions: “Who am I? With whom am I? What I can do? “
These questions are, as a rule, also voiced. Fall silent teenagers only if adults actively impose the “right” answers. With whom they need to be friends, why it is important to strive, how to spend time, how to express love, particularly the love to parents – every teenager hears the father’s, mother’s, “living recipes” many times a day. The only way to psychologically survive – hide behind a wall of silence.
The first “veil of silence” – a way to protect themselves from the imposed opinions. So it’s a way to protect their own identity.
More on next page!
The familiar picture – she speaks, noises, offended cries, again speaks. He mumbles usual “uh-huh” and continues to do what he did before. Sometimes he tries to counsel, to receive support and encouragement. Yet the family – it’s the same team, it is important to have everything harmoniously and agreed. But, unfortunately, instead of concerted action game starts often with the provisional name “Who said the last word – is right.” Woman uncovers all her acting skills and eloquence to score some, clear only for her, pinks in the man’s mind. And if at first man tries to respond to these “cloves”, with time his enthusiasm evaporated. He prefers to do silent that he finds necessary.
The second “veil of silence” – is an attempt to achieve the goal, not yielding to provocations of others. In this case, silence – a way to maintain the the vector of personal activity.
Silent wife – it is rather a joke character, and not a daily reality. Still, women are often also able to remain silent. Why children’s misdemeanors often known only moms and dads do not always realize? Why does a woman more likely to tell a friend about some of her unrest, anxieties, joys, rather than her own husband?
Woman often communicates, not because it is necessary to convey some important information. She just need to share state, to express her emotions, to talk about the mood. Against this background, “the emotional fuss” children grow up. To know what is happening to them, woman must be part of their emotional space. If we choose a different position – the position of emotional detachment – the probability of loss of contact with those who moved away from us.
The third “veil of silence” – the preservation of comfort emotional space. In this case, silence becomes a divide between “own” and “foreign”.
The stereotypical notion of male friendship requires silence and a female – chirping. But if the man did not say something that should be spoken but not be hidden from each other? If a woman told secrets “as a friend” for everyone, according to the same friendship passed all the gossip, then “friendly” told such filth – enough for not one sleepless night? She would be better to remain silent. But was it a friendship?
The friendship is important to know how to keep quiet when you should to hear. Learn when to speak, when to remain silent is akin to treachery. Friendship – is primarily an open dialogue of those who trust each other. And the silence – just a pause in such a dialogue.