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6 Things To Know Before Marriage


Today we will speak about an absolute love and the other popular literary fairy characters.

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There is no absolute love

Unexpectedly, isn’t it? The fact is: your husband is not your child. A husband is an adult person whom you decided to be with during all your life, but things changes, there is no a guarantee that you will love him every day, month, year. Or he will not love you.

I was always told:

“You will like your husband not always, but you will love him always!”

When worse time came, I thought that my marriage will be broken down. What love are you talking about if we are always torturing each other? Doesn’t marriage mean absolute love?



Couple sitting at bar and looking irritated

“No, – tells our family psychoanalyst. Who told it to you? He is not your son, and you are not his daughter. Nobody guarantees you perpetual relationship.”

When I realized this issue, it seemed some lamp flared up in my head. What if we can be a happy married couple, a happy family even if love doesn’t sparkle? In our case, it came to us back, and even more than ever.

All in all, nobody is obliged to love you for no particular reason (and neither are you). You will have to work hard, help your partner love you. Even (especially!) if you are 5, 10, 15 years in marriage.



The first two years after children birth are the most difficult. Do not let this period become an example for your future

Yes, children mean happiness and pleasure for those who want to have a family, but, even if you have been dreaming all your life about being a parent, when you give a birth, everything will totally turn upside down. Your household life, schedule, abilities for communication and old methods of solving conflicts will altogether go to the dogs.

African American father looking at newborn baby --- Image by © Terry Vine/Blend Images/Corbis

People say that “relationship should be on the first place” (and I am completely agree with them, if you do not contribute your children’s happiness and well-being), but no matter how hard you will try to do well, you will meet a lot of troubles on your way. You will be lack of sleep, your hormones will go nuts, your body and even your way of thinking will change greatly.



The main thing is not to allow this crisis period indicate what kind of attitude you will have toward your partner in future.

Do not let offences and anger accumulate in your mind, speak with each other, train your patience, remind to yourself that you fell in love and choose this exact man.

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Of course, easier said than done, but read what I was advised by some wise people: ask for help, accept help. Hire people who will help you, finally. Do everything to go through this period with the minimum losses and without abhorrence to each other.



Sex will not always stand on the first place

Sorry, guys, but no matter how you like sex, it will not be enough sometimes. In future your libido will not always coincide.

Unfortunately, I have no brilliant tip to program somebody for wanting sex more or less. However, I have understood some important thing: your sexual desire her and now does not put automatical obligations on your partner, but the loss of intimacy is a common problem.

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If you are a person who wants sex less than your lover, do not force yourself to do it, but try to stimulate your desire. Visit a psychotherapist, let your imagination run away with you, take photos of yourself or your partner, read some erotic novel, etc. I have no idea what things you are getting worked up by, but do it.



And what if you are a person who wants sex more than your lover? Firstly, do not become a racketeer. Do not press on your partner. Try to find intimacy in the other things, cultivate affection in your relationship (in such a way your lover will give away gradually). Luxuriate, kiss, touch each other… Cook for each other, watch movies embracing one another… These things are truly important!

Daily pleasant things – the universal recipe

We are speaking not only about flowers, clean house and regular sex. Pleasant things mean calling your lover “my dear” or some other tender word which he is faint with. Tell him: “I am pleased to hear you”. Buy some biscuits – with no reason, just because he likes them.

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The marriage full of such moments is a happy marriage!

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Never become a person who is not ready to work over at your relationship

Catch a dismal truth: no matter how hard you try to repair your love, visiting all those psychotherapists, your imperfect marriage (there is no a perfect one) will not survive if your partner kicks his heels.

I have seen lots of marriages which fell apart. These were marriages where one partner was straining every nerve for putting the relationship in order, another partner was frittering away the time. Perhaps, they were indifferent to this marriage. Finally, they gave up.



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Never argue about who of you puts in more: the one bringing up the children at home or the one earning money at work

No matter what you do and how hard you try, your lover does a lot of work which you do not notice. There is no reason to start this dispute: you will not find a prize and a winner here since it is not a contest, you will lose in the end. You should (and you have to) share your duties. You should (and you have to) try to help your partner take care about children when you have some free time. You should (well, you understand) support a partner who works really hard at the office, and when your children get elder, try to find a job for yourself to help your lover earn money.



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All in all, appreciate your partner’s toil, no matter what it looks like. Say “Thank you”.

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